'...Eating is llike aspirin to me... of women as sexual subjects I dare not think...'

become talented, witty, hearthrob poet OSCAR PECKHAM...

'...The new name fell round my shoulders immediately and comfortably like a well-fitted tailor-made suit...'

...and get laid by YULA, delectable punk of Penge Poets?

"They're hard to find, virgin poets.' She pushed me gently down onto her bed and slowly and carefully removed all my new clean clothes. Then she took off her own clothes. First she raised her arms and discarded her bead top which floated down and landed with a shucking sound on the floor. Next she bent, removed her boots and wriggled out of her black tights. She seemed not to wear anything else. 'I'm going to make love to you,' she said...'

How does JET ROBINSON, Brian's delinquent teenage neighbour, joyrider, word-blind leader of the Brian-baiting JAYS, get Haiku?

How will songwriter Lorna Simons...

'Every era has its victims and I am a victim of the sixties, smoking the hash, dropping the acid, toting the guitar...'

...Jet's teacher, Brian's friend, throw off her fifteen-year obsession with tantrumist-handyperson, British Leyland trackworker and sexual gourmet TONY LODE?

Who abducted and murdered Jay Two, trainee psychopath JOHN ARISTOU? Or did they?

How many pentameters to Peckham Police Station?

How many pantoums to the Peregrine Arms, Penge?

Waterloo Roses - 70,000 words

Jake is insecure, lays underground cables for BT and doesn’t know when to cut his irritating patter

Bedelia is much older, has recently split up with aging TV personality, Thomas Grayson, has always been a dancer and lives in a fashionable little place in Waterloo

Stig lives in Waterloo too, but on the streets

Thomas lives with soap-star Sarah and their new baby